In Which Patrick Jackson Ripped Off Medieval Times

With all due and sincerest apologies to The Badass Geek, I do believe imitation can be the sincerest form of flattery, hence the structure of my title…

Vegas. Sin City.

I hopped on a jet plane with The Boss Monday to head to the desert Mecca of Las Vegas. For those of you that ask “New Mexico or Nevada,” the Nevada one is desert and the New Mexico one is forest.

They say Vegas is the city of impersonators, especially with all the Elvis wannabes floating around. I kid you not, I’ve already seen 4 people that look almost exactly like people I know. For the record, the only Elvis impersonator I have seen is on top of an open air double-decker tour bus.

So, the first night we had tickets to go see the Tournament of Kings dinner show at Excalibur.  The Boss and I took our seats in the front row as “citizens of Spain.”  The first thing I noticed is that Patrick Jackson must have had control over only the production of the show, not the wait staff.  Why?  Our waiter was named Hector.  I guess to get politically correct waiters to match the show, you’d have to be Peter (of Lord of the Rings fame).  Patrick just doesn’t have that pull.

A man who could only be Merlin comes out to start the show.  If you looked at him dead on from the front, it looked like he was wearing fairy wings.  He was eventually joined by a midget in a red and green court jester’s outfit.  Only in Vegas can you be laughed at for being part of a show instead of being laughed at for being a midget in a goofy get-up.

The wenches!  The wenches!  Once they show up, the Norway wench was the only one who looked like she was actually from Norway.  Can anyone tell me when Norway started having such a liberal immigration policy?

I will skip any other comments here as to not play spoiler for those of you who have yet to visit this fair city.  Needless to say, if you’ve seen Medieval Times, you’ve already spoiled it for yourself.

After an evening of revelry and rabble rousing with King Arthur and his companions, we made our way back to our room.  If memory serves me correctly, we’re only two doors down from King Tut, and another five from the sun god Ra.  Only in Vegas can you be transported to a different world in any moment.

Also published on Medium.

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