Columbus Day

Dear Haters:

Welcome to the world of the post industrial revolution. Here, everything must be politically correct. We can’t say or do anything to insult anyone. Safe zones must be available for all, and we must avoid trigger words at all cost. Well, hold on to your pigtails, because I am about to strip that safe zone right out of under your feet faster than Winnie the Pooh can say “Oh Bother.”

So this week we celebrated Columbus Day. So what? How many of you actually posted pictures of Christopher Columbus and reminisced about his explorations that found the “New World?” How many of you thought about that he was a crazy kook from Italy who couldn’t even convince his own people that the world was round? Finally, the Spanish gave in, but only after a bunch of badgering. Frankly, Columbus was an equal-opportunity badger. He asked many of the major powers in Europe to finance his expeditions.

Lately, Columbus has been hated on by practically everyone of non-European descent. There has been some white people hating on him, too. So let me break it down for you.

  1. You don’t have to pay attention to the fact it is Columbus Day. All you have to celebrate is that work said you can stay home and still receive money even though you didn’t do anything.
  2. Columbus Day may be a federal holiday, but that doesn’t mean you a forced to celebrate Columbus. For goodness sake, celebrate whoever you feel like celebrating, whenever you feel like celebrating them. Especially for Native Americans, the reservations are by treaty considered sovereign nations. Declare your own holidays!
  3. Not every white person in America is out to get every non-white person. Frankly, most of us are getting tired of being lumped in for the sins of a few of us. Most of us want to be your friends, do business with you, and understand your ways.
  4. Sure, there are minority groups that were oppressed back in the day. But now days, the only thing holding you down is your financial status and your own approach to life. EVERYONE has the ability to pick up the pieces and make something out of yourself. The whole picture doesn’t look the same everywhere, but the ability exists. Do what you want to do. Be what you want to be.
  5. Finally, for those of you who cite Columbus as an explorer and the person who “discovered” America, let me give you an alternative. Leif Erickson led the first known European expedition to land in America. He not only was an explorer, but a warrior as well, considering he was a Viking. There’s your dose of macho. October 9th is Leif Erickson Day.

So in conclusion, you can all go suck a rotten egg. Get over yourself, and enjoy your paid day of laziness.


The guy 3 cubicles down.

Also published on Medium.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.